


Never Leave Me

by trepkos



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Makeup Sex, Minor Character Death, Revenge, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2017-10-22 07:29:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/235496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trepkos/pseuds/trepkos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kai tries to make his own way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Leave Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ideserveyou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ideserveyou/gifts).



Kai sounds so calm; so reasonable; yet, what Arthur hears … it makes no sense.

“Arthur, we both knew the day would come, when one of us must leave the other.” 

“You … want to leave?” He can’t believe it; just can’t take it in.

Kai makes a helpless gesture. “We’ve played this out before – just never to the final act.”

Now, understanding dawns. Arthur purses his lips. “I see. You’re taking your revenge, for Benedicta.”

Kai looks at him as if he were a child. “No, not revenge, Arthur. Never that.”

“Then why?” He turns away – can’t look at Kai; can’t let him see that he’s undone. If he’d been hit by a charging battle horse, it would hurt less than this. In a voice he wishes didn’t sound so small and lost, he asks, “How did this come about?”

“When you were spending so much time with the Roman princess –”

Arthur snorts. “So. I was right.” He braces himself, and turns towards Kai, wearing a mask of indifference – so he hopes.

Kai pulls his shoulders back. “While you were _entertaining_ Benedicta, I rode out alone. Coming upon Freya’s homestead, seeing two graves, where there was only one before, I stopped, to find out what had come to pass. Her husband, Rulf, had died – left Freya all alone. You were … occupied, so I visited her from time to time. Brought her a pheasant, or a rabbit.” He passes a hand over his mouth. “And helped with … other needs.”

Arthur makes a sound of absolute contempt.

“That’s not fair.” Kai lifts his chin. “You were about the same business with your princess.”

Arthur keeps his mouth shut. 

“And then, some days ago – the last time I saw her – Freya begged me come and stay with her, and never leave again.”

“And you said ‘yes’.” Arthur feels cold.

“I have not answered … yet.” Kai spreads his hands in supplication. “Arthur – she needs me.”

Arthur almost blurts: ‘ _I_ need you,’ but he bites his lip, then, fearing the answer, asks, “Do you love her?”

Kai shakes his head, not in denial – just uncertainty. “I want to protect her.”

“Then bring her here! Protect her _here_ , in this village!” 

To see Kai paying court to someone else each day would cut his heart; to see him not at all, would rip it from his chest. “Let her live here, among our people! She need never be alone.”

Kai huffs out a breath. “And what do you think the village gossips – Gobnat and the rest – will say, if Kai the Saxon brings ‘his Saxon whore’ to live among them?” Kai shakes his head. “One Saxon, they can stomach – not one more. Arthur, she has a home, and her own land. She wants to share that with me.”

Arthur had thought to share his life, and all this land, with Kai. “Then I must ask again – do you love her?” 

Kai won’t meet his gaze. “I think … perhaps.”

Arthur is humbled, and at last, tears come. “But … you love _me_.”

“Yes, Arthur. Yes.”

Kai takes him by the shoulders. Arthur hangs his head, but Kai raises his chin, kissing him softly on the lips; wracking Arthur’s whole body with a sob.

“I love you more than I can say. I always will. More than you’ll ever know. But my time has come to step out of your shadow, and be a man. Let me go to her, Arthur. Let us part as friends.”

“But …” – last throw of the dice – “I love you …”

Kai looks sad. “You love me – in your way. But you don’t need me, Arthur. You are our leader. You can have any woman that you want. Rowena waits upon your word. For me, here, there is only you, but one day, you will cast me off. Must I stay, only to have you break my heart? Is it so wrong that I should be the first to go my way?”

Arthur can’t speak. He thought to have Kai always by his side, and always loving only him, even if he, Arthur, took a wife. He never imagined Kai could ever leave him. If he had, it would have been his greatest fear. Now that fear – lightning, from a clear summer sky – has struck him down.

Kai starts to pack his things.

At first, Arthur can only stand watching helplessly, arms hanging by his sides. But as Kai stuffs his purple tunic into a saddlebag, Arthur puts a hand on his.

Kai blinks, holds onto Arthur’s hand a while, then sighs, and carries on.

Arthur thinks to say, ‘No. I forbid it. You can’t leave.’ But this woman is alone: no one to help her. What kind of man would deny her Kai’s protection?

So Arthur stands at the end of the causeway, watching as Kai rides out of the village; watching, through a film of tears, as his love rides away.  
But Kai does not look back.  
~~

The next day, and the next, and how many others Arthur cannot count, he goes about his duties, blank, and empty. 

Kai was right. Arthur _had_ thought to put him aside for Benedicta; might – one day – have wed Rowena. Now, those choices look like … nothing he can stomach. 

His life is over.

Kai is gone.

~~

Freya does not rush him, and makes few demands. Sweet-natured, patient, willing, she isn’t Arthur; she’s the opposite of Arthur. Still, Kai loves her well enough, and time dulls the longing that he feels, for Arthur, and for the fight.

It’s not her fault she’s not the passion of his life. But he has done the right thing – so Kai tells himself. 

Arthur needs children. Arthur will marry, and be a good father, Kai knows this without any doubt.

And so will he.

Yes, he has done right, both for himself, and Arthur.

He frets a little at the rustic chores.

Then Llud pays a visit. He looks older, and more weary. When Kai asks, Llud says Arthur is well, but Kai can tell there’s more to it than that.

“What of Rowena?” Kai looks contemplatively into his mug of ale. “Have they –?”

Llud shakes his head sadly. “Arthur has sent no word to her.” 

That plants the seed, and doubt takes root; the ache inside begins to grow once more.

~~ 

As if pursued by all the hounds of hell, Kai rides in. 

Arthur’s heart starts thudding hard enough to break his ribs; his stomach lurches, and his legs almost give way. 

Kai throws himself from his horse’s back, and stands, panting and wild-eyed, before Arthur.

In the year since Kai left, Arthur has not set eyes on him. Now, all he can say is, “Kai …”

“Arthur, I need your help.”

“Why? Are you being hunted?” 

“No. I’m the hunter. Arthur, Freya is …” Kai squeezes his eyes tight shut, and swallows, hard. “They left her for me to find. The things they’d done to her … before …” He leans against his horse, resting his head upon her neck. 

“Who did this?” Arthur says, stone-faced.

“Mordant, and those other devils from the armourers’ camp.” 

Arthur well knows the torments such men would have inflicted on Kai’s woman. Still, he cannot even bear to think her name. 

“She carried my child. Arthur, I had to …” Kai’s voice drops to a hoarse whisper. “I had to put them in the ground.”

Kai will crumple if he lays a hand on him. Now is not the time. So Arthur takes a deep breath, then, with iron in his voice, says, “What’s to be done?” 

“They must die. All of them.” Kai looks up, defiant. “If you won’t help me, I will go alone.” 

“Kai, I’m with you.”

Kai looks as if he can’t believe it. “Thank you. Arthur, if you had seen …”

“I don’t have to. Come on – let us prepare.”

When they go inside the home he left, it seems so long ago, Kai’s face fills with yearning. Arthur slaps him on the back, sends a sentry to fetch Llud, and they start making plans.

Llud lights up to see his two sons back together – till he learns their mission. 

“Vengeance?” His face grows stern. “Did we not discuss this, many years ago? Will you not follow my lead? Set this aside. No one’s worth –”

Kai’s face blazes; he draws back his fist. 

Arthur steps between them. “Llud, show Kai’s woman some respect. The child you spared was innocent baggage on the raid that killed your wife and son. But these men are not children, nor are they innocent. And now they have the taste for it, they will torture, and rape, and –”

He feels Kai’s fingers tighten on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Kai. But Llud, you know they’ll kill again, if we don’t stop them.”

Stubborn to the last, Llud says, “An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.”

Kai puts a hand to his axe. “I mean to take a lot more than their eyes.”

Llud shakes his head.

Arthur calls for their horses, and, as he and Kai mount up, he turns to Llud. “Well, are you coming, or staying behind … like an old woman?” 

Llud sighs, and buckles on his sword. “If both my sons are riding into battle, I suppose I must go too.” 

~~

They lay waste to Mordant’s camp, then Llud turns his horse, and rides away.

~~

Dragging a hand across his stinging eyes, Kai watches the armourers’ huts go up in flames. “I wanted to protect her.”

“I’m sorry. You did the best you could.”

“No.” Kai sadly shakes his head. “I was bored with digging in the earth. I went hunting … left her alone.” His eyes shine with tears. “That’s when they came.” 

Arthur puts a hand on his arm. 

Kai sniffs. “She would have hated this – what we have done.”

“We are what we are, Kai.”

That’s when Kai looks at Arthur – really looks, and sees him for the first time since … 

In less than a year, his little brother’s boyish face has aged; sorrow has streaked his hair with silver. Ever slightly built, now, Arthur is a shadow. 

And Kai must bear the blame for that, as well.

Arthur looks back steadily. “One thing I’ve learned … these past few months. We cannot let those who have gone decide our path. Each man must make his own choices. And now, you have another choice to make.”

“What choice?” Kai says wearily. He feels dead inside. 

“What will you do now?”

He could lie down here and die – what would it matter? 

“What would you have me do?”

Arthur takes an anxious breath. “I … wish you would come home.”

Kai feels a small spark kindle, deep inside. “Truly?”

“You need to ask? I wish you’d never left.” Arthur studies the ground. “I have been lost. My food has no taste, and my life, no meaning.” Now he looks up. “But if you stay, there are conditions I would have you swear to.”

“Name them.”

“Never to leave again.”

“I swear it. And the rest?”

“You will miss her … Freya.” Arthur flinches as he says her name, for the first time, and the last. “And you will grieve – for her, and for your unborn child. But do so in private. Do not bring your grief to me. Do not speak of her in my presence, or in our village. I have helped avenge your loss, but we will never speak of this again. Not of the time when you were … gone, nor of the deeds we did today. Tell Llud also. Let my nightmare fade, Kai.” His voice grows hoarse. “Let it be, for me, as if it never was – for these have been the darkest days of my life, and if you stay, I wish to think of them no more.”

Kai looks away, scarcely believing Arthur would ask this of him; not sure he can abide by this harsh rule. But he can see how Arthur has suffered. Reminders of the past could blight any future they might have together. So he faces him again, and nods abruptly. “It shall be as you say.”

“And you?” Arthur looks him in the eye. “You have conditions too, I think.” 

Kai blinks, surprised. What dare he ask of Arthur, after what he did? He takes a deep breath. “I won’t ask that you swear yourself to me, and to no other. But will you promise never to banish me from your home, or from your bed, as you once thought to do?”

“Yes. In a heartbeat.”

“Then my axe and sword, and all I am, are yours.” Kai spits on his palm and holds it out. “Forever.”

“Forever.” Arthur spits, and clasps Kai’s hand, and tries to smile. “Shall we go home?”

Kai closes his eyes, and nods, and together they turn and go, leaving the past to burn behind them.

~~

Torches flare in the sconces, and the fire glows in the middle of the room. It seems a lifetime since Kai last stood in these sleeping quarters. He hangs his axe and shield upon the same hook, where they used to hang before. 

When he came in, Lenni looked on him in wonder, enfolded him in a hug, then aired his bed. But now, while Arthur, in the living area, organises tonight’s patrols, Kai finds himself alone. 

He sits on the bed, and, as he waits, he says a prayer in his heart for the departed soul of Freya … gentle Freya. Her fate was sealed the day Rulf chose to walk the path of peace. Now, both poor doves have flown. 

But he’s still here – and with amends to make to Arthur. Looking around, he wonders what madness could have made him leave. The same madness that made Arthur tell Llud to build a new hut. But leave that in the past. Arthur has given his word, and now Kai must keep his. No sadness here tonight.

The door swings open; Arthur steps inside. He looks achingly uncertain. 

Kai stands, and passes him a mug of mead.

“Thanks – but there’s something I want more.”

Kai’s mouth feels dry. “And … what might that be?”

Arthur puts down the mug, and clasps Kai’s face between his palms, and kisses him fiercely. Then he drops to his knees, and wraps his arms about Kai’s thighs, nuzzling into the front of Kai’s breeches, brushing his nose against Kai’s stiffening length. 

Kai sucks in an astonished breath, and grips the bench behind him. He thought he’d be the one on his knees – perhaps forever – and he’d have done it gladly. But Arthur is generous; wants him to stay, and will not punish him for … the thing of which they do not speak.

Arthur looks up, his face eager and hungry, silently begging leave. 

Kai strokes Arthur’s jaw, and nods.

Then Arthur pulls his breeches down, and takes Kai in his mouth. He closes his eyes and sucks Kai’s cock, as if it were some holy thing. Eyes closed, he whimpers, swaying on his heels.

Arthur’s passion strips Kai of restraint; he puts his hands behind his head, and lets his cock lead him, hips clenching, as he saws into the wet heat of Arthur’s mouth.

Arthur’s hands mould to his buttocks, squeezing and parting them.

Kai feels a surge. Looking down at Arthur’s dark head, bent to worship him, he thumbs Arthur’s cheekbone.

Arthur moans, long and low; jerks, and comes in his breeches, kneeling at Kai’s feet, and Kai can’t help himself. He comes like it’s the first time, and Arthur swallows him down. Kai’s legs give way; he joins Arthur on the rushes. 

“Never leave me,” Arthur says: his breeches sodden; eyes, brimming with jewels of salt.

“Never,” Kai swears again, drops to his knees, and kisses Arthur’s tears away. 

~~

**Author's Note:**

> First archived here: 11 August 2011.  
> Revised: 14 February 2016.
> 
> If you love the series, please join the [Arthur of the Britons Community](http://community.livejournal.com/arthur_britons/profile) at Livejournal.com.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Never Turn Back](https://archiveofourown.org/works/272549) by [ideserveyou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ideserveyou/pseuds/ideserveyou)




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